Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
