New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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