It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
