cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
well you can't waste a boner
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
