you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
