i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
