Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
