I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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