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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
