you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
