Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
