for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
