I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
