I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
