She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
