you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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