He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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