i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
