There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This baby is an asshole
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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