I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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