There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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