You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The adults are the big ones right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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