Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
