I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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