____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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