I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
