Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
