mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
