If that was your dad, he is hot
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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