So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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