someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
