zippers are such a cool invention
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
