I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
