Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
