haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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