It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
