I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
