Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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