A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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