You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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