I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My dick has a subreddit
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
