Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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