Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
