Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
