I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
