You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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