Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
