I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
