I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
