He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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