i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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