fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The air was thick with penises
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
