69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i love accidental penises.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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